The First Four Words
Struggling to start difficult conversations at work or home? The First Four Words provides a simple, powerful solution to overcoming avoidance and awkwardness. Leadership coach and attorney Tucker Miller draws from decades of experience helping executives, teams, and families communicate with clarity and compassion.
This practical guide reveals how just four thoughtfully chosen words can spark transformative dialogues. Miller mixes research, real-world examples, and actionable phrases tailored to any relationship quandary or communication style. Whether you’re an introvert facing a networking event, a manager delivering constructive feedback, or a parent smoothing family tensions, The First Four Words equips you to initiate discussions with ease.
Learn the common excuses we use to shy away from crucial conversations and how to get out of your own way. Discover the four essential talks leaders must have with their teams around performance, conduct, support, and feedback. Dissect the behaviors that build trust, like walking the talk and apologizing sincerely. Access four-word prompts to reach consensus amidst conflict, offer encouragement, navigate gatherings, respond to grief, and more.
Brimming with empathy, wisdom, and a dash of humor, The First Four Words makes communication accessible. Miller argues brevity and courage are the keys to understanding. Her book will empower you to transform the conversations you avoid into opportunities to solve problems, deepen relationships, and create the life you want. Whether at work or home, now you can speak up skillfully by starting simple.
Available to purchase:
You may be wondering, “What’s with the blue jay?” Blue jays are associated with strength and confidence, authentic communication, and the power of being bold, authentic and speaking up. Inspiring communication, they are a symbol of good things to come.
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Book Testimonials
"Over the years I've watched as professionals at all levels struggle to have hard conversations. Most avoid conflict out of fear that the conversation will backfire or destroy an important relationship. The First Four Words inspires readers to move beyond avoidance to curiosity, and from curiosity to possibility. I sincerely believe this book will help more people have these necessary conversations, with positive outcomes."
Mikaela Kiner
Founder and CEO of Reverb and Author, Female Firebrands
"The First Four Words offers a game-changing strategy for those of us who are uncertain about starting difficult conversations. Author and executive coach Tucker Miller has cracked the code by illustrating how four words can foster understanding and collaboration."
Michelle Marchant
Senior Employment Attorney, Formerly with Hewlett Packard and Microsoft
"Tucker Miller’s extraordinary new book, The First Four Words, gives us simple, usable tools to make sure even our most challenging talks strike the right tone beginning with our very first few words. Why’s this important: because many important conversations never take place or start off wrong and never recover. Why: because we just don’t know what to say. This happens at work, with family, and in other day-to-day situations. Tucker’s distilled a lifetime of personal and professional wisdom to give us a vital, practical guide for launching meaningful conversations where understanding and impact are so critical."
Stephen M. Paskoff
Founder, President & CEO Employment Learning Innovations, Inc.
"When Tucker Miller told me about her new book, I ordered ten copies! As an executive coach myself, The First Four Words is a book I plan to give to every one of my clients. The First Four Words is just what I’ve needed to share with leaders I support. In her book, Tucker Miller brings her usual wisdom, insight and empathy to this important topic in a way that will help all of us in business and in life!"
Kristina Moris
Founder and President of The Washington Firm, Ltd.
"Tucker Miller puts a new spin on how leaders can more easily engage people into meaningful conversations. As she explains in her book, The First Four Words, 'Eliminating the tendency to avoid difficult conversations is key to honing leadership capabilities and preparing for expanded roles of influence and impact. Your success comes from showing up and sharing your opinion, and your ability to do that lies just on the other side of avoiding discomfort.' Throughout my career I have witnessed leaders avoid the difficult conversations because they are not comfortable in having them. Her practical strategy will help leaders communicate more confidently and effectively."
Marilyn Thiet
Certified Business Coach, President and CEO of EDGE Performance Acceleration
"I am thrilled to endorse Tucker Miller and her book, The First Four Words. The First Four Words is not just a book; it's a roadmap for those who understand that the key to success lies in the subtle nuances of conversation. I wholeheartedly recommend this book to anyone eager to elevate their communication game and make a lasting impact both professionally and personally. Prepare to be inspired, enlightened, and equipped with the tools to unlock the true potential of your words."
Bruce M Pflaumer
Founder of Michael Bruce Image Consulting and host of The Wisdom of the Wardrobe podcast
"As much as I appreciate models and tools for how to have a meaningful conversation, in the heat of the moment I can’t recall any of it. The First Four Words eliminates that problem by providing a strategy that’s easy to remember, apply and practice. Drawing on her experience as a business leader and executive coach, Tucker Miller has provided an invaluable resource that inspires and instructs."
Alison Talbot
Senior Human Resources Executive for national insurance company
"So many leaders, from the CEO on down, struggle with knowing what to say to start an important conversation. As a result, they avoid the conversations they should be having to strengthen relationships, build trust and resolve conflicts. The First Four Words is just the resource I’ve needed to support and inspire my clients to reach out and engage. It’s not a gimmick―it’s a practical and easy to remember tool that can help anyone seeking a method to communicate more clearly and effectively. I look forward to sharing it with my team and all the leaders I support. Highly recommend!"
Marie Tjernlund
President and Executive Coach, Noble Edge Consulting